Walking to a wedding in Scotland

I wish that this kilt were better built,
Oh why did I not take a taxi?
As on under there I've no underwear 
And Scottish wind's ripping right up me jacksie.

Beneath all the tartan the dress code is spartan
But I should have just put on some smalls
As the hotel is miles and it's hell on my piles
Not to mention my frostbitten...sporran.