My Wedding Speech

A few people have asked me for copies of my groom's speech as performed at my wedding on 12th September. Hurrah!

So here it is:

First off, thanks to Jeremy for those very kind words, and the rather enlightening details about the new Mrs Moir!

And thanks to you all for being here. It’s a great honour for George and I to have you all come from far and wide to share in our special day.

Among the congregation of Northerners and Southerners we’ve also got a New Yorker, a Dutch dame, a lady from Hong Kong, a couple of Frenchmen and a family of Welsh. Which all sounds like the beginning of a particularly fruity joke, the punchline of which I couldn’t begin to imagine. Mind you, the night is still young, so you never know…

Sadly we also have a couple of notable absences. My Granny couldn’t make it unfortunately due to illness and my Aunts are stateside as well. So I’d just like to raise a quick glass to them to say Get Well Soon and Wish You Were Here!

So, onto other pressing matters…My WIFE and I have a long list of people to whom we owe huge gratitude. I thought I’d put them all down in a poem to try and make sure I remember everyone. I hope it’s ok and doesn’t come across like the Cadbury’s Roses advert or something…So here goes:

Thank you very much for the lovely wedding, thank you very much thank you very very much…



The moon was out, my knees were wet
It was a night I’ll not forget
Water was spilt and cloths collected
And marriage proposals were accepted
And that is how in January
Georgina Moir said yes to me…

But how did we get from there to here
From soggy pants to wedding cheer?
Well if I’m honest, clear and true
I’d have to say I’ve not a clue
I’m not even sure how my pants got drier
Was it the washing line or by the fire?

Everything today was pulled together
Not through much of my endeavour
But through hard work of many others
From George herself to... George’s mother
(And other people as well of course
But they really are the driving force…)

So this is our list of to whom we’re grateful
For making this day so truly fateful:

The biggest thanks of all is for
The family Ackroyd – my new in-laws.
Right from day one with warmth and charm
They’ve welcomed me here with open arms
(And I’ve been welcomed too by Jeremy
With a warming dram or three!)
And if that were not enough each visit
Olivia’s food is quite exquisite
Spring lamb, or cottage pie to boot
It’s quite a wonder I can fit this suit!

And all the time I’ve spent up here
Has passed with fun and such good cheer
That whether sunshine (hurrah!) or mizzen rain (ahem)
As soon as I’m on the London train
My mind repeats the same refrain
Of just when can we return again.

Thank you too for your restraint
By behaving most like saints
And forgiving me the use of my intuition
In proposing to George without permission.

And since that day they’ve worked without break
(Except for the holidays they had to take).
Jeremy’s been out here installing new drains
So the tent won't get washed away by rain
And Olivia’s been the whole event’s CEO
Managing things with the deftness of a pro.
In fact any wedding planners had better take note
For if a party needs sorting then the Ackroyds get my vote!
They’ve been calm in a crisis and brushed off any strife
So Jeremy, Olivia, Thank you so much for everything…I owe you my wife!

Thanks to Rupert too, my brand new older brother
Who at my stag-do out-partied all the others.
And has also since been outstanding in his field
Literally, right here just standing in this field
With a torch and beer beside him upon this very lawn
Protecting all the food and drink until the break of dawn.

On top of making our stunning engagement ring
Becky has also helped out with other things.
She’s been at Brownrigg lending her hand
To everybody’s big demands
So thank you Roo and Becky for doing all of that
And thanks in advance for feeding our poor cat.

Massive thanks as well go to my mum and dad
I may be over 30, but they’re still the best I’ve had.
My mum made my gorgeous waistcoat and yesterday spent hours
With my brand new WIFE and I arranging all the flowers
And though my eyes are untrained and I’ve never done a course
To me they look amazing, a total fleurs-de-force!

Thanks to my dad too for helping with the booze
Which he and George’s parents took a long long time to choose!
Over lots of taster bottles, much talk and…ahem…deep thinking
They finally found between them all the wine that we’ll be drinking
He also supplied our cheese cake, though if you please
More than a cheese cake it’s a cake made out of cheese.

So thanks mummy and daddy, to spell it out more clearly
For your unwavering support I love you both most dearly.
And thank you too Johnny and Mary – their partners in turn
From your support of both my folks I have a lot to learn.

Thank you to Nick for among other such things
Keeping (some of) your hair on and not losing the rings
And for being my best man and best mate to boot
It’s not long now til you follow suit

Now, You could search the world from New Zealand to Russia
And still never find some finer ushers
All cracking gentlemen, 6 of the best
Thank you for looking after the hosts and all the guests

Thanks to Rev Helen Mary for making our blessing
So beautiful and fun and not a bit distressing

For her spine-tingling singing, thank you to Claire
And to Diana and Carol for such wonderful prayers
Thanks to Al and Hannah for their loud and clear reading
You can tell they’re both the product of fantastic breeding.
Thanks to Kirk for the loan of the car
A Bentley no less, made us feel like film stars!

To Andrew and Sarah at Bakerwood
Thanks for all the delectable food
That we’ve sampled already, and are soon to eat.
(I can tell you right now that it will be a treat).
They’ve weathered the storm with lateral thinking
About the best ways to stop this tent sinking.
So thank you too for the beautiful marquee
Without which above us we’d all be quite parky!

Thanks to Jill and Martin for the loan of the fields
So that all of you lot could park all of your wheels.

Thanks to my new nephew Charlie for timing it right
And arriving here on earth in the middle of night
On September 2nd, thus paving the way
For my brother and Sarah to be here today.
And not forgetting my niece Isabel
I’ve never seen someone performing so well
The duties of such a beautiful flower girl
Iz – if you are out there please give us a twirl!

And how about our Bridesmaids Clementine and Cordie?
Such elegance and grace that George has twice implored me
To stop from mistaking them for a-list Hollywood stars
But I’m telling you as bridesmaids they’ve totally raised the bar!

Thanks finally to Clarence, our fluffy little cat
Who’s always around to have a short chat
With a quick miaow here and often a purr
He’s the best stress-reliever that ever there were.

Apologies to anyone that I may have missed
In our rather lengthy thank you list
It is most remiss and the fault is mine
But it’s probably cos your name is hard to rhyme.
But to everyone we owe debts either great and small
A massive thank you!, to you all!

And that brings me to my poems close,
But I’ve one more thank you to give in prose



Now, what was I going to talk about?...Ah yes. George! My beautiful wife.

I must say that for about a week her wedding dress was hanging in our room tantalisingly swaying in the breeze. Every time I was left alone with it an overwhelming urge to look under its wrapping would wash over me.

But I’m very glad, standing here right now, that I never succumbed to the temptations of having a quick peek as George you look absolutely stunning today! I don’t think you’ve looked better since the day I first fell in love with you.

From the moment you walked into the church my jaw dropped to the floor and I don’t think that I’ve quite recovered yet. If I start doing fish impressions during our first dance, please forgive me I'll just be starting to get over it.

Now, they say that behind every great man is a great woman. Obviously I’m no great man, but with George by my side I’m already more than half way there and I feel like I can achieve anything.

I want to explain to you all a little bit about what I mean by that, and just why I fell in love with my gorgeous wife.

Having been in the study of George of nigh on 4 years now, I consider myself somewhat of an expert Georgeophile…or a Georgrapher if you will. In those 4 years of study I’ve discovered a great deal about her and I’d like to share just a small amount with you now.

A few things hit me almost immediately when I first started stepping out with George. I was struck full on by how vivacious and beautiful she is instantaneously, but I also remember feeling an incredible warmth for her from the moment we met.

It’s impossible to describe (and the amount of pieces of screwed up paper I created when writing this speech is a testament to that), but I’ve a strong suspicion that many of you in the audience know what I’m talking about. Because if you’ve ever spent 5minutes in George’s company you’ll know exactly what I mean.

I’ve never spoken to someone who talks like George (and I don’t mean that she can’t say “specific” properly – it comes out as pacific).

When George talks to you, she really talks, but she talks about the right things…and more importantly she really listens to people. Far more than anyone else I know. And if you ever watch her in conversation you’ll see that people positively glow in her company.

As a result of this and her infectious bubbly personality, when George walks into a room there is a noticeable atmosphere change. People’s faces brighten and the whole place genuinely lights up.

There is an expression “force of nature”, well George, I believe, is a force of weather who brings sunshine into mine, and everyone’s lives. And it’s appropriate that after weeks of rain up here that today is so sunny.

At first I found this all rather unnerving, until I (rather selfishly) realised how well it reflected on me. Which got me to thinking, Georgologist that I am, of whether there is a word that describes this quality – this George factor - of looking and feeling better through your association with someone else.

I spent some time on the internet, possibly looking at the wrong sites, and asked a few learned colleagues, but nobody could help me. So spotting a gap in the market I decided to create a new word which I hope to pass into modern parlance with your help.

It's a word you can use to describe yourself whenever you’re feeling more confident or attractive or generally on top of the world just through being around someone like George. And it's a word that describes the way I feel right now in George's enhancing presence.

Therefore, I think you will all agree that due in very great part to my beautiful wife, that I am looking absolutely Georgeous today.

I’d just like to finish by reading a couple of lines from a poem I wrote to George earlier in the year which I think sum up the way that I feel right now perfectly:

The thing about love is that once you’ve submitted
You end up married or mental, either way you’re committed
Well, committed I am, and crazy for you I may be
But I am so glad that you are my baby
And now that you have become my wife
I know that we’ll build a wonderful life.

I love you George. Thank you for bringing so much sunshine into my life.

To my beautiful, wonderful wife!

Before I pass you over to my Best Man Nick (bless him), I’d also like you all to do me a favour. It’s George’s birthday on the 16th. I’m pretty sure she chose this date for the wedding so that I would buy her extra big presents forever from now on, but please can you all remain upstanding and sing happy birthday to the beautiful bride:

Happy Birthday to you…

Now I’m going to pass you over to my best man Nick who also celebrates his birthday very soon…It’s his 30th birthday, so please be kind to him.