Walking to a wedding in Scotland

I wish that this kilt were better built,
Oh why did I not take a taxi?
As on under there I've no underwear 
And Scottish wind's ripping right up me jacksie.

Beneath all the tartan the dress code is spartan
But I should have just put on some smalls
As the hotel is miles and it's hell on my piles
Not to mention my frostbitten...sporran.

Baby's first Mother's Day poem

We're celebrating our first Mother's day in our household so my 5 month old helped me to write this poem for his mum:

Here's a short poem to thank you and say
How much I love you on your first mother's day.
I know that I've not been around very long
But so far I don't think you've put a foot wrong:
You look after me and you take care of Dad
And you're the best mother that I've ever had.

You're fun to play with, or just have a chat
Whether I'm bouncing around or on my changing mat.
And when I am sad or just had a fright
You make me feel safe and hold me real tight.
You keep me all cosy and put food in my tummy
And I think you're the world's finest mummy.

I just cannot wait for the fun times to come...
And I love you and thank you for being my mum!